behind the kiss...

Looking behind the kiss from Jo and Janus' first time in the Refusal...

My gaze roams over her red hair and freckles as a half-smile flits across her face. I reach out and cup her chin with my hand and her eyes widen, before skipping down to my mouth. I tilt forward, giving her plenty of time to move away, and her eyes are on me right up to the point I’m too close. I brush my lips across hers. They are so small and soft and hesitant, and I’m shaking with how much more I want to do, but I lean back trying to take it easy. But, to my shock, her hand sneaks onto my thigh as she leans into me, and I don’t know how the second kiss happens, but somehow her mouth is soft on mine all over again. My cock tightens painfully in my trousers, ideas of slow disappearing like water down a plughole. 

She draws back, bending her head down to the table and drawing a pattern on the white tablecloth. I examine the red lace on her shoulder, her bare arms. I run a thumb down the one nearest me. My hand is ridiculously large against her tiny arm, a myriad of freckles under my fingers, like jewels flung on cream silk. 

“I like you too, Janus.” Her voice vibrates, and I only catch what she says because I’m leaning forward right into her space. 

Sitting back into the red velvet seat, I take in her bowed head, my jaw loose. In four days, I hoped I might get her interested in me, but I threw away any thoughts she might be sold already: She’s been skittish with me so many times. 

I open my mouth to say God knows what, but the waiter appears out of nowhere at my shoulder, making us both start. I’d love a weapon right now. 

“Sir, madam.” He gives an obsequious little tilt of his head. “Can I run through the menu?” 

“Steak,” I say, looking down but not seeing the list in front of me on the table. “Fries and green beans on the side.” 

“Filet de boeuf. Pommes frites,” he mumbles into his pad, and I slide my gaze sideways to Jo, who’s doing the same to me with a smile on her lips. 

“I’ll have the same,” she says. 

He nods. “Would sir and madam like some wine to accompany your meal? I can recommend—” 

“A bottle of champagne,” I interrupt. 

This is not the right thing to have with steak, and the waiter pauses infinitesimally. I can tell he’s wondering whether he should suggest a red and risk offending me. He makes to open the wine list, but I shake my head. 

“Your choice of maker will be fine.” 

He doesn’t flicker, and we both sit in silence as he gathers up menus, inclines his head and drifts away. 

Picking up her hand, I turn it over and trace the lines on her palm, then, tightening my hand on hers, I stand, pulling her up with me. 

Her eyes widen. “What are you …?” she starts to say. 

When I’m halfway out of the booth, the waiter comes hurrying over. 

“Mr. Phillips, can I help?” 

God love all fancy hotels because they will give you anything you want: That’s their job. At this moment I’ve never been more grateful for it. 

“We’re going to eat in my suite,” I say. “Can you arrange to have food brought up there?” 

“Certainly, sir.” He stands to one side and I pull on Jo’s hand, but she just pulls back. 

“What are you doing?” she hisses. I lean into the soft hair near her ear, lips brushing her skin. 

“I might want to kiss you again, and I’m not making out in full view of the Restaurant.” 

The Refusal, Chapter 33

First kisses are magic. They’re also maddeningly difficult to write. As a romance author, I know that this is one of those scenes' readers wait for with bated breath, and it has to land just right. It can’t be rushed, it can’t be thrown away, and it can’t feel like a box-ticking exercise before moving on to the steamier bits. 

For Janus and Jo in The Refusal, this kiss is a turning point. Up to now, their relationship has been about tension and hesitation. He’s been certain that he’s all in for Jo, but thinks he has had to hold it in. But she’s been cautious, darting away from his intensity, retreating behind walls she isn’t sure she’s ready to lower. That’s why I wanted the kiss to carry this delicate balance of restraint and surrender - because a kiss between them is never going to be just about heat. It’s about trust. 

The Lead-Up: Janus Holding Back 

When I wrote this scene, I knew Janus couldn’t simply swoop in and claim her mouth. That might have been passionate, yes, but it wouldn’t have been them. Janus is forceful by nature, but with Jo he’s different. He knows how easily he could scare her off. So instead of taking, he waits. 

I built that into the writing: the way he cups her chin but leans in slowly, giving her every opportunity to turn her face away. It’s restraint, but it’s also vulnerability - because in that pause, Janus is risking rejection. His control is a mask for the nerves churning underneath. 

Jo’s Choice 

What makes this kiss electric for me is Jo’s reaction. She doesn’t run. She doesn’t freeze. Instead, she leans in, her hand finding his thigh. It’s such a small, almost shy gesture, but it undoes him completely. 

That moment flips the dynamic. Janus thinks he’s steering carefully, but suddenly Jo is the one surprising him, pulling him closer, making the second kiss happen before he even knows how. It’s a reminder that romance isn’t just about the pursuer - it’s also about the pursued choosing to meet halfway. Jo’s choice, however tentative, matters more than the kiss itself. 

Writing from His Eyes 

I wanted readers to feel this moment not through Jo’s hesitation but through Janus’ hunger and awe. That’s why I stayed inside his perspective. He’s noticing her freckles, her lace, the size of his hand against her arm. These aren’t detached observations - they’re reverent. They show how intently he sees her. For him, desire isn’t abstract; it’s in the tiny details of her body and presence. 

And of course, writing a first kiss from the male POV gave me room to explore something I don’t always see in romances: male vulnerability. Janus might be powerful, confident, even dangerous - but in this moment, he’s shaking, stunned, a little undone. It’s not about conquest; it’s about connection. 

The World Intrudes 

One of my favourite things about this scene is the interruption. The waiter appears just as Janus is ready to let go and sink into Jo’s kiss. In another story, that might be frustrating, but here it was intentional. Passion is rarely uninterrupted in real life. And in romance, those little intrusions can heighten the tension. 

The formality of the restaurant - the velvet seats, the pristine white tablecloth, the long French menu - clashes beautifully with the rawness of what just happened. They’re teetering on the edge of something intimate, and yet they’re surrounded by waiters and strangers. 

That’s even why I snuck in ordering champagne with Janus’ steak. It’s a deliberate detail: champagne is impractical, the “wrong” pairing, but it’s impulsive, celebratory. It shows how much he’s reeling from the kiss. He’s not thinking logically; he’s thinking about her, about this moment, about wanting to mark it. 

SHIFTING THE STAGE

And then, of course, Janus does what Janus always does - he takes control. If he can’t kiss her properly here, he’ll simply change the setting. Cue his very matter-of-fact decision that they’ll eat in his suite instead. It’s bold, a little audacious, but also deeply revealing: he’s not willing to hide his desire for her, but he is willing to protect it. He doesn’t want this kiss cheapened by curious stares or restaurant chatter. He wants it to belong to them alone. 

Jo’s protest (“What are you doing?”) is telling too. She’s still catching up, still wary, still unsure of what she’s stepping into. But when he leans in, brushes her ear, whispers that he doesn’t want to make out in a restaurant, it becomes clear: this isn’t just lust. It’s intimacy. It’s privacy. 

What This Kiss Means 

Looking back, this kiss is less about passion and more about possibility. For Jo, it’s the first time she stops running. She might still be scared, but she doesn’t back away. For Janus, it’s the moment he realises she could actually want him back, and that thought rattles him more than he expected. 

It’s the crack in the wall between them, the first opening that allows everything else in their story to flow. After this, there’s no pretending indifference. The chemistry is no longer hypothetical - it’s undeniable. 

And that’s why I love writing first kisses. They’re not just about lips brushing; they’re about what comes after, the unspoken promises they carry, the way they tilt the axis of a relationship forever. 

For Janus and Jo, this kiss is only the beginning - and if you’ve read on, you know exactly how quickly “slow” disappears. 

Ah I will always hold these two and this scene very close to my heart  xx

You can find out more information about The Refusal here and buy it here.  

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